A Letter To My Twelve Year Old Self

Sip up that dolce latte and prepare yourself for a time travel. Dooo da ladoo dooo da ladoo. ( It’s very difficult to write out that flashback noise from Wayne’s World. ) We are now in 1996, 12-year-old Karah has stumbled into her English class awkwardly, my God I had no posture back then. That straight parted blonde hair, those thick eyebrows before I knew what tweezers were, oh boy, I’m really starting to feel sorry for myself . As I go to sit at my desk what have I found? A lovely folded piece of paper with my name written on it. I unfold it and read the letter. There’s still 15 minutes until class.

Dear Karah,

As you are reading this I am typing a blog about you reading a letter from your future me. Blogs are these great places you can freely write about whatever you want on the internet. Don’t worry about it, you’ll understand one day. Anyways hello past self! You think your days are rough at Westview Middle School because you get teased for your shyness, boney shoulder blades and watch your childhood crush like the popular girls instead of you or ask out your friend. I mean did asking someone out in middle school really count for anything? You all are still babies and can’t even go anywhere unless by bicycle or your parents dropping you off. So shrug that disappointment off, go back to listening to Backstreet Boys music while reading Tiger Beat magazines, because it gets better once you learn how to drive.

Girl you have no idea what true hardship and bad days are until your future pursuits in Los Angeles! Yes first off, congratulations ahead of time you do actually end up moving there to pursue your big dreams. To bypass a few things before that move, you get through middle school. You are discovered at a modeling competition called Model Search America in Kansas City. You are one of the 80 chosen out of 800 in Denver, to go compete in front of several judges. Now we never get good at math but I do know those are impressive numbers statistically. That competition gives you your first feeling of rejection, it hurts, you will cry but you will learn from it.  Next you get with a model/acting school in Denver that ends up costing way too much money and being a scam but you get a priceless self-esteem, confidence boost that you always needed. You will take those skills with you for the rest of your life. Including, knowing when something is a scam! You do plays in high school and participate in after school Drama Club. You rock at doing goofy characters and find you enjoy improvising. The White Rabbit ends up being your favorite role your junior year. You study film acting with Kathryn Christopher, a film/TV acting coach in Denver. She teaches you the basis of everything you need to know when acting for TV and film, right down to how hard it’s going to be, how to have a good strong handshake, and honestly stopping you when you’re not believable in a scene. You take a trip with your mom to Los Angeles to compete in another talent competition at age 16. Once again you learn a ton. You have a blast and fall in love with Los Angeles. You win an academic award in Drama your senior year of high school before graduation. You enroll at Metropolitan State College of Denver (now a university). You graduate with a Bachelor’s degree in Theatre and a minor in journalism. You do many plays, you play smaller parts in the school’s main productions, the head of the theatre department “just doesn’t know where to place you.” Don’t get discouraged by this closed-minded thinking. She’s doing you a favor by giving you more experience with rejection and dealing with it. The student directed projects are your acting haven and you find more opportunities in getting cast in those with your peers than with the faculty.

You have a 4 year-long, bad relationship during that time that ends up shaping you for all your future dating endeavors. Don’t give up, a really good guy comes along you will fall for head over heels in love.

After you graduate you work for a year at two jobs to save up money. You first take a trip with your mom to L.A., you find it difficult finding a place to live without a job lined up. You then return later on a trip alone, staying at a hotel in Burbank, you hear two people going at it next door….gross! Then you get lost on the freeways several times. Don’t be scared one day you will know these like the back of your hand, well mostly, actually you will still get lost but you will do better than in this particular situation. You meet a family in a nice house in Woodland Hills that have a room to rent. You take this offer, pack your blue-green, Pontiac Grand Am full of everything you own and take a road trip of your life with your mom from Colorado to California. When you get there and are all settled, you drop your mom off at LAX airport. Say good-bye and you are now all alone. 24 years old and only knowing a hand full of acquaintances. You’ve transferred your sales associate job from Staples in Colorado to the Woodland Hills location. You work on $8.00/hour and have a $750 rent to pay.  It’s okay, you will get through the toughest 6 months of your life crying and building Ikea furniture. You probably don’t know what Ikea is yet, it’s Swedish and affordable. It’s fantastic!

You take classes at The Lesly Kahn Actor’s Studio and start some at UCB. You find old friends from Colorado who move out 6 months after you do. This is your saving grace. You take on smaller projects anything you can get cast in usually as the girlfriend or elementary school teacher type. It weirds you out when you become the age to play the “young mom” type as you hit your thirties. You learn to build up your resume with skills, classes, and credits. Even at age 31 you will still be struggling, you struggle up and down looking for a talent agent and building those credits is your constant obstacle. It’s tough, let’s face it Kathryn warned us how easy it was NOT going to be.

You develop a thicker skin that many told you that you didn’t have. Yes you still get soft and upset, to the point that you think maybe they are right and you don’t have that thick of a skin but that’s because you’re a good person and never lose sight of that, it’s who you are, you silly muffin head. Probably the best piece of advice you will ever be given is to always be creating and never lose your soul. A comedian friend advises you this, and if anything you take that advice and thrive with it. This is good because there are times when you have no acting projects going on, your slaying away at your survival job or you keep getting rejection after rejection. You will learn that creating your own is the way to go. Write a scene, write a story, anything to keep those creative juices flowing. You will find you always need to be taking a class of some sort to better yourself, work on your skills. This is difficult during the times that you can’t even hardly afford your bills, let alone a roof over your head, or food in your belly. So affording classes can be difficult. Go people watch, it’s free and you can learn so much and have references for characters you play in the future.

 I won’t sugar coat it kid, you struggle. Struggle hard, there are days where it is hard not to focus on the struggle or how dang poor you are. The sick truth is you even find skipping a meal here or there helps you to be able to afford things you need. Even head shots which become a fiasco out there. Good lord they seem like a rip off after a while. You take them over and over until you get the right ones. You land a great manager, he and his team rock! They see you for how you see yourself and help market you. Then you finally find an agent who frightens you for his blunt honesty. Once again, stuff Kathryn prepped us for but it still takes getting use to, you end up firing him for wanting you to send him a video of you twerking. You’ll understand what the heck twerking is later but it’s just awful. So you get thicker skin yet again and thanks to a friend referral find a good group of talent agents, willing to work with you and are actual class acts.

You work odd jobs like dog walking, bartending, hosting, and waiting tables (the anxiety gets to you so you quit doing this work, except dog walking because dogs are awesome.) You land an amazing job at the box office of The Falcon Theatre in Burbank. It’s owned by the legendary director, Garry Marshall. You will have an amazing time working there, have some cool memories of him before he passes away,  get the opportunity to be in a few scenes of his final film, Mother’s Day, which get’s you, your first major motion picture credit on Imdb. They are awesome to let you leave and come back when you have an audition or gig come up. It’s a blessing. 

Something you learn real quick is how much you need to have balance out here while pursuing this all. You take on volunteer jobs, as you always have enjoyed doing to balance and take you away for a moment from the biz. You volunteer for one year at The Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. It changes your life and puts some perspective on your life as well. Yes you go through a ton of hardship, difficult times, depression, self-esteem drops but these kids are fighting off terminally ill diseases and they are able to smile. There are children on life support and you gripe about not being where you want  to be in your career. Perspective KB, perspective! They’re tougher than anyone and their families are strong to go through what they go through. That place changes you much like The Wild Animal Sanctuary impacted you.

Always be kind, always give back. Our world becomes so social media involved, with selfies and status updates. Dark things happen constantly, school shootings, rape and murder. Social media and selfies are something I don’t even want to explain to you but just know it becomes a ridiculous waste of time sometimes and can be a strange way of communicating to someone who could also be in the room with you. However it is a great way to stay in contact with friends and family, who live far away. Keep up the kindness and spread it like a virus. The world needs that more and you will sleep better at night. Well you actually end up with a restless mind at times and have to go to sleep with ocean wave sounds and music. It’s that whole creative juices always flowing and always working. Dang these creative types and their insomnia.

Karah you date a lot of strange guys, some are jerks, some are immature, some may come off as crazy but you meet one in a screenwriters workshop who wins you over. You two are goofs, enjoy traveling together, swapping stories about acting and you’re a good match but it doesn’t last forever, your wonderful relationship ends on sad but good terms, you will in that moment experience both true love and true heart-break but you will get through it, you always do.  He will do so many wonderful things for you including casting you in a few shorts and one of his films. He writes a short for you to star in that gets you SAG-AFTRA eligibility. He’s an amazing person and a good man. Treasure all the memories you have with him, they are special.

You have an awesome cat rescued from the streets along with his sister, Peach. She goes to live with her dad who is a previous roommate and good friend of yours!  Jack will fill those broken voids in your heart. You two become real pals. Of course nothing changes with you in your adult years, you will still be having yourself surrounded by animals whenever you can and whatever your apartment landlord will allow.

Family, treasure your family. There will be times you won’t see them for half a year. So value them and phone calls are so very important. Love your family, honor and be grateful. That goes with your friends too, even if they come and go.

To conclude young lady, you will do fine. You will be where you hoped but in a slightly different way, your self-esteem will still be your battle but you learn to love yourself. From your goofy hyper active Brittonologies to your empathetic introvert-extrovert self. You will be the chameleon you need to be for you whenever and wherever. You really learn to enjoy your own company, thrive in your own independence, and not only as a talented actress but a writer and get this you dabble into stand-up comedy. Who ever saw that coming?!? Not us, but it becomes a creative outlet and not only for venting your odd thoughts on the world but also some characters you will enjoy becoming, while making an audience laugh. Brace yourself for a very cranky, French woman who becomes your alias from time to time.

I’m proud of you self, right now you may be quiet and shy but that’s just a person in development. You’re a larvae who soon will become a resilient butterfly! Don’t listen to the know it alls or the one uppers. Continue to follow your dreams and never give up. Most importantly:  Please always be your goofy, child like self with the kind heart, laughing as much at life as you can, and living it up as much as you can. You’ll do just fine in this world Karah Britton. Just fine.

Sincerely,

Older Karah Britton

12-year old Karah finishes the novel sized letter just before class starts. A twinkle in her bright blue eyes sparkles and warms her inspired heart. The shy girl knows what’s coming, she will be ready to live it and live it fully. A smile forms across her face as she is ready to do her book report on Lucille Ball for the entire English class.

 

FIN…for now.

 

Panic Button

Sometimes I’m terrible at dropping things or letting go. If I’m nervous about a confrontation with a friend, coworker or just something I have to do out of my comfort zone, I will obsess over it. It’s one of my personality flaws and I’m sure comes off annoying because I worry way too much. I care too much about not hurting people’s feelings that I will put myself through a “what if this happens” mind game and it is torturous. On the one hand it makes me a very humble and an empathetic person which I like that about myself. I never want to lose that and caring for other people is important to me but the other makes me get all riled up. Then usually the outcome is not as dramatic as I was making it play out in my mind.

I try to think of the song, “Let It Be,” from The Beatles, to ease my mind, breathe a little, woosaw myself into a meditative state but my brain has an inner critic that acts like I just broke an important policy and I should not stop thinking over and over again what is going to happen. Plus I’ve always felt I am just like that T-Rex dinosaur toy from Toy Story and hate confrontations.

In one way it makes perfect sense why I’m an actress because I can be a drama queen. I mean in an endearing calm the heck down sort of way. However being in the acting business, you have to be able to handle confrontation. Even in scenes where you play someone arguing with someone else. So that can be a challenge for me. Growing up I always hated fights with my family and arguments because I want to get along and be agreeable with everyone. That won’t solve problems when they need to be discussed. In relationships over the years I always tried to be as communicative as possible about feelings. Which that is a huge step of improvement for me. I’m definitely never the person who likes to start a good fight and maybe friendships have not been patched up or resolved because I didn’t want to argue with someone about them wronging me or visa versa.  It’s just who I am. We live and learn. I try to improve on things that usually I think have to do with growing up and becoming mature adults. I certainly have been better than I was 7 years ago. Perhaps living a crazy tough lifestyle is toughening my skin and making me deal with things head on better than I would have years ago.

I’m not even quite sure why I decided to write about this on my blog. But I do think it’s important for us to embrace who we are even down to our weird personality quirks or silly reactions to things that aren’t that big of a deal.

After I post this blog, will people read it and think I’m nuts?!? Oh no!!!! Nah, I’m sure I’m not alone with this mind-set. I always would deep down like to think I’m this bad ass woman, tough as nails, rebellious and doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her. That to me would be awesome but it’s not who I am. Maybe a little sliver of me can be her but then again the caring, empathetic person who may get run over by some people because I am this way, is who I am. I don’t need to change, I may need to meditate and get myself into yoga to calm down about certain things.

 

This is my visual of a bad ass woman thanks to Google.

 

Autonomy

I’ve been away from writing blogs for a couple of months because I’ve been going through a lot of tough things. I was even hesitant to come back to my blog until my life was less crazy and sad but then I thought that’s not life. Life is all about many things we experience. Not all of it is always positive and full of birds, flowers and snuggly bumble bees. Heartbreak, death, loss, struggle, sadness, and so forth happens. Which is what this blog today will explain is what I’ve been facing lately.

So where do I begin with my scrambled brain full of mixed thoughts. My mind feels like a omlet of events that have occurred. To begin a relationship, that meant the world to me has ended. It’s been the hardest thing for me to face because I love him and thought he was “the one.” Which has been the first time I felt that way about anyone. Usually the ending of other relationships in the past have felt right but this one is very different. It doesn’t feel right or fair. It has been shattering me. We were together for two years and he means the world to me. I’m not going to share the long story about the good and the heartbreaking reasons it all ended. I wanted to keep fighting for us and stay together but alas we came to the conclusion we wanted different things from the relationship, in our lives and had to end it. We’re on good terms but the pain in my heart has been difficult. I miss him every day and I miss us. The memories were beautiful, sweet and full of laughs. So I am grateful for them. I’ve been listening to a lot of Adele’s music lately, which I am under debate that is helping more than its adding to the hurt feelings. But for some reason listening to the latest album by Broods has been really therapeutic. I love them, go get Conscious by Broods if you’re dealing with heartbreak. Those lyrics hit home.

Every day I am getting stronger but heart breaks take time, this one will probably take me the longest to recover from which is fine because now is the time to focus on just me.  As cliché as that is, it’s true and very important. It’s how I work, I don’t jump from one relationship into another just like that. I don’t understand how anyone can do that quite honestly but each to their own. Everyone works the way they do when it comes to relationships or whatever you prefer to do in that regard.

I will share this however,  being the actress I am, I have used this pain and shattering heartbreak in my art. My performances in my acting class have really benefited from it. I rocked a monologue from “While You Were Sleeping,” starring Sandra Bullock originally. I was envisioning my ex in a coma and me proclaiming all the loneliness my character feels. For the first time ever in a performance, I broke down and cried. The tears were so real, I could see them glisten in the stage light as they dropped from my face onto my knees. I was shaking, I was hurting and it was one of my best performances to date. I was so glad to have shared it for my class. One of my struggles as an actor is letting that emotion come out in dramatic, heart wrenching scenes. So that was a victory and as my teacher said, I’m putting my pain into my art. I’m learning that really works for me. I also performed a piece I wrote about this relationship and I got to perform that in a show my friend hosts called, “Breaker/Broken: Stories of the Heart.” I intentionally did not invite any friends to it because I wanted to perform it for strangers. The response was amazing and I had many women come up to me and give me hugs saying they have all gone through what I am going through. That was such a very healing experience for me. It wasn’t closure but it definitely finally ushered me into my self strength and reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

The same day of the Breaker/Broken performance I experienced some other heart-break. I work at The Falcon Theatre in Burbank, which is a beautiful theatre owned by Garry Marshall. On that Tuesday last week, I came in to fill in for my coworker’s shift. I was told by my other coworker that I needed to go talk to my boss. Of course my first thought is that I’m getting fired or laid off.   Which wasn’t the case here. She was just informing me of the status of Garry because he was in the hospital and not doing very well. They were waiting on the sad news. I go back to my desk emotional but trying to keep it all together, then I have to go to a talent agent meeting. The meeting is kind of awkward and slightly stressful as they usually are. I still don’t even know if I want to give them a try. Anyways another blog perhaps. Don’t even get me started on my frustrating experiences with talent agents. So after getting back to work after that meeting, I finished my shift but there was a fire by our work and because of the smoke we got sent home early. Then I get ready to head to the Breaker/Broken show and I’m driving on the freeway and I get the call of his passing. The emotions and tears pour out. I think to myself well thank God I’m in a show tonight that is focused on storytelling and heartbreak. I have plenty to work with. So I did. I used the emotions for the loss of my love in the relationship and the loss of my boss who was a legendary film maker and one of the kindest people I have met in the business. Here’s a lovely article written about him and his involvement with his theatre. http://www.americantheatre.org/2016/07/28/garry-marshall-a-life-force-in-the-theatre/

On top of all of this I have been struggling financially. Which quite honestly through my 7 years living in Los Angeles has always been a struggle. It’s part of the life I chose, the dreams I sought to pursue and it has been one of the leading causes of my heart troubles. Yes on top of heart-break I have a heart condition that has been kicking up in full worrisome gear since all of this whirlwind of sorrow has taken place. Since I was 9 years old I have had tachycardia, which is an irregular heart beat that sometimes will beat way faster than it’s suppose to. Imagine just standing in place, not doing any running or physical activity but your heart starts beating profusely as if you have been. That’s how it feels to have what I have. The concern I have had with it in the last half-year is it has been waking me up while I sleep. So I have been getting tests done and wearing a heart monitor for 24 hours. It’s been oodles of fun. My poor person’s health insurance has been a slow process to get the tests approved and now I have been delayed another month to find out the results from the cardiologist.

This was the heart monitor I had to wear for 24 hours. So comfy.

Then my sister’s health has been a concern because she’s been very ill. So that adds to my worries upon sadness. Then my grandma who is 97 years old, was put in a nursing home and hasn’t been doing very well.  She has refused eating or drinking. So we are waiting for her time to pass any day now. So that upon all the other things full of stress and sadness has been going on which makes me conclude that I will just accept the permanent rings under my eyes until better days come. It’s been hard to sleep or eat right but I do try to stay conscious of taking care of myself. I have had some really cool modeling opportunities come up and who knows maybe that talent agent will work out. But the struggle is real for sure. It’s been hard and raw. Everything has been tested and thrown, the rug has been pulled under from me. The world has felt twisted upside down and I don’t mean that in an epic Inception kind of way with that bong sounding music.

What is there left to say but to keep going! I have always been a positive, optimistic person even through the harshest situations. Loss of friends, boyfriends, family, rejection, loneliness, being broke…you name it. I can keep going, I am autonomic. My social life right now is very peaked which is fine. I have a lot I am dealing with and so perhaps turning all of my thoughts towards writing is my answer. It’s obviously making me one hell of a performer. I know this too shall pass and good things are on the way and I deserve good things. I deserve to build myself back up. I deserve to be confident and believe in myself. I deserve to achieve and maybe pull out of so much struggle. This I do know. It’s just really dark and stormy lately and I just have to find my way through it until the storm passes. I am still able to have my moments of silliness. So that is good at least. Solitude and self-reflection are all I need right now. It is what will get me through this, it will help me survive the heart-break and sadness.

 

When I Get Lost…

Life is certainly full of it’s ups and downs. Everyone has them and there really are some things out of our control. Dreams can seem like they drift away in water, away from our own reflection of ourselves. There is always a moment whether brief or an entire tidal wave of feeling lost.

I drift into those feelings sometimes, I am riding the tides of it as I write this blog. I keep my sunshine personality glowing full of inspiration and looking back at how far I have come. However it’s so easy to feel like everyone around you is going through life, changing, evolving into such amazing adult lives. Signing contracts to buy a home, getting married, having families and steady, promising careers. Meanwhile I continue to live for this dream. Struggle for this dream, pursue, scrape and get by for this dream. I don’t have a house, I live in a SAP (Struggling Actor’s Pad), a studio apartment in probably one of the noisiest and busiest apartment buildings in the valley. My neighbors have like five kids so even rehearsing lines or trying to self tape an audition can be a frustration because of all the noise. I don’t have a husband or kids. Not that I really want that right now, really I mean I go back and forth all the time. I’m fine with my cat…and two turtles, ha ha. I do have a wonderful, caring, goofy boyfriend who I’ve been with for two years. I think it’s too early to tell for us where our lives are going together.   I always do like to envision my future; me living in a nice house in the country surrounded by animals. That’s how I want to “settle” down. I want to rescue dogs, cats, rabbits, goats, pigs and chickens. I just want to have my own personal self serving Karah Ranch, with a successful acting career! A menagerie of mammal friends.   But in the mean time I have to stick to my SAP, scraping by with random part time jobs and always wondering where my career is going…so sometimes I get lost. Don’t we all at times?

When I first stumbled onto this dream and passion to be an actress, I thought I had it all figured out and what I would do to make it happen. I knew I was going to have to work hard and was frequently warned by acting coaches how much I would struggle. How struggling really was part of the pursuit. The part I was not prepared for is the time warp you get put through. How it feels like you aren’t really getting  anywhere or anything is changing in your life but everyone else around you is and aging in the process. Every time I go back and visit my family in Colorado it all is different. My parents look much older, my home town is always changing. Even old photographs from high school are starting to warp and fade…they’re starting to age! I just feel lost and confused at where the time has gone. I feel I am still in my 20’s not my early 30’s. I haven’t had any change, therefore I haven’t changed. Or at least that is how I feel but I’m sure in many ways I have changed as I too have grown up. I’ve gone through a bunch. That is for sure, I could write a book about it. Ups and downs. Good and bad. I guess that’s what life is all about right?

I keep feeling like I am getting closer and closer to my shift of change. Of something progressing but it really get’s hard sometimes and it’s very easy to lose sight of it. I start to feel like a lost piece buried in the sand. Like a carrot on a fishing pole is being dangled in front of my face but as I reach to take a bite it get’s pulled away. And I just feel like a disappointed ass.

So what’s my ritual to get through these funks you may ask? Listen to music I love and watch shows I adore. I Love Lucy reruns anyone? Hang out with friends, go to the beach, read, play with my cat Jack, write…the list can go on. I do believe in myself, I do still love this dream, I wouldn’t change that for the world. I just sometimes have to stand still and think, re-inspire myself to help keep me going. We all get lost sometimes. Maybe we have to get lost to find ourselves. It’s all part of our journey and it shapes our character, who we are. I hope this inspires you, dear reader, or whomever is taking the time to read this,  that it’s okay if your life is at a stand still, it’s okay to have a moment where things aren’t going right. Just love yourself, do what makes you happy and give yourself a break. I don’t believe the meaning of our lives does not involve taking the time for ourselves . We’re suppose to constantly change and evolve. Give yourself time and just be. Maybe that change I’m looking for is just around the corner but I have to go through all of this to truly appreciate it when it happens.

Cut. It. Out!

We’ve become such a society full of “should monsters.” Telling you what you should eat. What you should do with your body and how it should look. Who you should vote for, how to live your life, how you should be pursuing your career, you should get married and etc. I find the people who spend so much of their time telling you what you “should” be doing with your life, need to focus their time more on what they need to be doing with theirs. You do what you have to do for you, …don’t should on yourself and tell those people to should off!

I deal with the know it alls and the one uppers all the time. I consider myself a very nice and patient person. That seems to go hand in hand with people trying to push over you or tell you what to do. Maybe it is spending so much time on my own self reflection and focusing on boosting up my self esteem again that I’ve come to notice this negativity. Of course the world does seem to have so much negativity in the head lines.

When you’re a sunshine personality it’s easy to feel like a wilted flower. I also soak up my atmosphere like a sponge. I believe that’s called emotional contagion.

As I get older and especially once I hit my 30’s I have noticed I steer away from friends who start to become acquaintances because I need to keep positive people in my life. In the last year when I was going through some things, especially financially. What can I say I am always struggling with money, I’m a broke actor! I lost a friend over a situation that was quite ridiculous. I’ll blog about it one day when the wounds are more healed. At first I was hurt by her deciding I was not worthy to be in her life any longer but then I started to realize how she was disappearing from mine to begin with and to be quite frank she was not the most positive person to be friends with as I had thought.  It really was good for me to step back and come to the conclusion that this friendship ending was unfortunate for its circumstances but in the end something I needed to have happen. I learned a ton from it and her. There is definitely great memories we shared together but alas we shall go our own ways now. I am sure we will run into each other again some day. I will be civil, classy  and kind.

Another thing I have experienced when it comes to cutting out negative people is the ones who think  they have all the answers and your thoughts are ridiculous.The one uppers, know it alls and should havers are usually my peers, especially in the entertainment business. Man is this biz full of them. I don’t know why they make me cringe, maybe because some put you down like you know nothing. I never treat people this way and it goes against everything I believe in. If anyone came to me for advice I do feel I would have some wise answers whether it be about pursuing acting or just on life in general. I’ve got a decent head on my shoulders. I definitely wouldn’t think I have all the answers and am some kind of expert. No way! I’m always learning  from myself and making mistakes. There also isn’t one way to go about any of it.

So in conclusion here is what I say when it comes to dealing with these kind of negative people in your life. Focus on you, what makes you happy. Do what you have to do for you. If it offends a friend because they aren’t getting what they want out of it. Let them go. If some one makes you cringe because you disagree with their approach towards you or anything you are working on, distance yourself or cut them out. Life is too short to let those folks break you down and your time is precious. Do what you have to do for you! Just like goofy Uncle Joey on Full House use to say, ” Cut. It. Out.”

 

 

Cabin Fever in The Box Office

Saturday  Nov. 28, 2015 2:32 P.M. at The Falcon Theatre Box Office in Burbank, CA

The green leaves are rustling outside of the box office window on this bristly fall Saturday morning. I Karah Kathleen Britton am sitting in the Falcon Theatre Box Office, working another 6 hour shift to make my ends meet. Yes my middle name also starts with a K and if I had a last name that started with a K my initials would match the abbreviation of a supremacy group of horrible people. Thankfully it’s not, so we don’t, meaning I don’t have to worry about such things.

Anyways back to my descriptions, while staring blankly out the box office window, while other people are having their brunches and mimosas. You assclowns, how dare you enjoy your day off while some of us have to work to make ends meet.  What does that even really mean? Ends meet. Is it where the meet ends or where the meat ends? I’m trying to become a vegetarian slowly so I will just vote for ends meet instead of meat because I love animals. Just trying to make a living you all!

As I continue to stare out the window spying through the medal bars of the theatre’s gates I see him staring at me. Gasp! Those big shiny eyes, just beaming at me  with the most innocent but evil smirk I could ever see. Holding up high in the sky like a fist but instead is a plate with a giant hamburger. You!!! You, Bob’s Big Boy dare challenge me to a staring contest?!?!? Challenge accepted you plastic haired shorty!

It continues I glare at him as he keeps the same stupid expression on his face. Of course he would. He even shows off by taking pictures and selfies with tourists while continuing to stare at me across the street. Evil I tell ya, this guy is pure, creepy, Chucky doll like evil. I bet he would even make Chucky piss his pants, if Chucky had such organs to do so. I continue to stare. Eyebrows furrowed, eyebrows raise. Side stare right, side stare left. Up and down. Sunset Boulevard, Gloria Swanson, “Alright Mr. Demille,  I’m ready for my close up” stare. Or creepy Hannibal from Silence of the Lambs fava beans and chianti, Anthony Hopkins stare. In case you’re wondering I am typing while giving these faces along with my greatest weapon my resting Bambi face staring back at Bob across the street. Egads, I can start to feel my eyes water up, I can feel my face twitching and contorting. My eye lids desperately wanting to blink at this son of a Hamburger Mary! I can’t let him win, I mustn’t. I ….ca….can’t I need to blink so bad. Gah to have big eyes is a blessing and a curse. How does he do it?  I am going to lose! I ….lost. Like Mr. Snuffleupugus from Sesame Street, I need to blink my big eye lashes and it is such a relief. No need for Ben Stein to talk about my itchy dry eyes in his monotoned voice, Bueller? Bueller? Sweet relief for the KB blues.

Fine Bob, you won this round but next time I challenge you the tables will turn. Why are you still giving me that evil grin and blank side ways stare? How do you not have guns holding up that ridiculous hamburger all the time? I hate you Bob! Stop it! Where is my Wilson volleyball friend to throw at your face?!?

Oh thank goodness, the house manager has just put up a poster for the upcoming show to block my view of Bob’s Big Boy across the street. I am saved! Clearly I have been cooped up in this box office far too long.

 

Deep Dark Blue Room

A poetic story by Karah Britton

The girl in the deep dark blue room, looks out the window at the moonlit sky. Why is it she cries? She longs for more, self-acceptance from her own heart. Her dreams feel as if they’ve been torn apart. Deep in the deep dark blue room. The floor is filled with pools of water that consists of the girls’ tears. Trembling and rippling with the girls’ greatest fears in the deep dark blue room.

The moon shines in on her tear-stained face. Like a hand giving her a warm embrace. In the deep dark blue room. Where does she go from here? She asks herself from time to time. Her mind a boggle like a clock shifting only one gear. Her heart aches from her own abuse, her own self-doubts. She feels she is of misuse, she almost wants another way out. Crashing, crashing inside like ocean waves to rocks. Like lightning strikes the ground her body is numb and in shocks. Her feet cold and bare trying not to touch the pools of tears on the floors of the room. She is alone basking in her own grotesque gloom. In the deep dark blue room.

Her path is uncertain, her inspiration is worn to nothing. Like a play draws its curtain when it has come to its ending. All she can believe in is the love from others. The love that keeps the fire lit in her heart. But if she does not find her answers they could be torn apart. This keeps a small glow inside that dims ever so delicately in the wind of her own turmoil as she faces the storms in the deep dark blue room.

Her mind is her own enemy, her soul is her best friend. There is no clear destiny she can’t even comprehend for she is the lost girl in the deep dark blue room.

Outside with time she sees a warm gold light. It’s blinding and pierces into her overshadowed sight. The sun begins to rise, her answers become certain. The pain subsides and she feels a lot less hurting. She pulls herself out from the painful grasp of her personal darkness. She leaps from the window into the open fortress. She can see an inkling of hope, a dream refocused. Guiding her like a sea’s guiding light the girl is free, the girl is saved. From being the girl in the deep dark blue room.